Rant of the Day: HBS

I watched this video a while back and immediately regretted doing so. The HijabiBengaliSisters page kept popping up on my Facebook so I wanted to check out their videos, and I wanted to respond to it since the girl has brought up a sensitive issue and has gone about justifying it in a retarded way.

She starts off by saying how in Islam, women and men have different roles and both should be seen equally. She says women should not try to emulate men in the name of feminism etc etc, upto which I can moderately tolerate. Then she goes onto say that in Islam men have to provide for their wives and give them everything they wish for, and so women should not complain of 'marital rape' because they should reward their husbands for all that they do. At this point I just wanted to punch her in the face.

She just said that the duties of men and women are different but equally valuable, then she said a woman should never refuse sex because her husband does 'so much' for her. By doing that she has completely contradicted her own statement by downgrading the value of 'women's work' (cleaning, cooking, looking after children etc) in comparison to men's work. If a woman's work deserves equal treatment, then her unwillingness to engage in sex should be respected as much as a man's willingness to do so. She then says a woman should 'serve' and 'obey' her husband because she'll receive much more in return. So essentially a woman should exchange her servitude and obedience for love, home, money and gifts. How are the roles equal then? Sounds more like a master-slave dynamic to me.

This girl needs to learn that marital rape is not a joke. Rape, marital or not, is less about sexual desire than it is about “an abuse of power by which one person attempts to establish dominance and control over the other”. If this girl had done some basic research, she would see that marital rape is often accompanied by domestic violence and abuse, and because it occurs repeatedly over a long time the accumulated trauma may have greater impacts on a woman's psychology than being raped by a stranger. Allowing a man to have his way with you is not about giving him a 'break', it's about handing over your autonomy to the man. It's not about rewarding him, it's about making him feel more powerful. I feel no shame in repeating once more, that this girl's views are imbecilic of tremendous proportions. She should familiarise herself with legal definitions before posting a blanket statement about marital rape on YouTube.

She further contradicts her "women and men are different but equal" statement by saying men are stronger than women, (2 women equal to one man, apparently) and are therefore naturally a "grade higher" than women, because they can protect them. This is an absurd presumption, as strength has the power to both protect AND destroy. And if she has interpreted the 2 women = 1 men quote from the Quran in this way, then she hasn't read the verse properly, because it has nothing to do with strength, but everything to do with a woman's ability to testify in court.

I'm extremely saddened that young ladies brought up in developed, 21st century environments can openly hold regressive views like this and still attract admirers. I also had the pleasure of watching another video by her about how "women who don't cover up" have nothing to offer as they are submitting to the wishes of menfolk. 

HA! Oh the irony. 

Spoiler Alert - A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

Oh dear, it's June! And I haven't written an article in almost a month. Things at work are getting more busy, and I've been trying to juggle a social life and work simultaneously. But I had to write something today.

I've been reading the novel A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and trying my best to take it slowly. The story-line is so sad, and there are very few passages in the book which actually allow the readers to take a breath and enjoy a moment of peace or bliss with the characters. The writer almost guarantees that every happy moment will quickly turn into a heart-wrenching episode, so I've been finding myself holding my breath with dread during the good bits.

But I've arrived at a point in the book that has made me feel like someone has pulled the carpet from under my feet and made me fall to my doom in slow motion. The world around me has been put on mute, and my ears can only hear the sound of my insides screaming. I officially award Khaled Hosseini as the creator of the most unfortunate characters I have ever come across in my reading history.

Mariam and Laila, wives to a wretched old Afghan man named Rasheed, make a desperate attempt at running away from their mutual husband with Laila's baby girl Aziza. In a war-torn Afghanistan, crossing borders is near impossible for two women without a husband or mahram, a male relative. The women get caught out by a back-stabbing fellow traveler, arrested by police officers and  returned to Rasheed's home. Upon their return, Rasheed immediately punches Laila and drags her by her hair and her child into a room to lock them up. He then proceeds onto repeatedly beating a terrified and catatonic Mariam until she is bloodied and unconscious and locks her up in a small, dark tool-shed. Both women and the child are left to starve for the day.

It made me absolutely queasy to read this, so much so that I slammed the book shut and stared into space for a good few minutes with a lump rising in my throat. And to think, all of this could have been avoided if even ONE person, ONE man out of the traveler, police officer and Rasheed had even an ounce of compassion in their hearts. Below is a part of the conversation between Laila and the officer at the border to give an example of what I mean.

These people don't care about what happens to their women on a day to day basis. For them, being the ruling party is of utmost importance even if it's at the expense of innocent lives. You would think that after decades of fighting, they would come to realise that nothing has been achieved and instead their lifestyle has become progressively more unbearable.

In regards to domestic violence, I am often horrified by the fact that there is even a debate surrounding it.  The nonchalant response from the police officer to Laila's plea above is not just fictional, and is an attitude echoed by real-life Sharia enforcers including those residing in Western countries! A BBC Panorama program "Secrets of Britain's Sharia Councils" has found that clerics in certain Islamic family law courts in Britain often encourage women to remain married to violent men.

[An] undercover reporter [on the program]  is told not to contact police when she asks a senior cleric Suhaib Hasan (who has advocated stoning and amputation) whether she should report the violence she has suffered at the hands of her husband.  Mr Hasan also wrongly tells her that if she were to report the violence to the police, she “will have to leave the house”.  This is entirely untrue.  In fact, an abused spouse may apply to the Court for an Occupation Order, which can remove a violent spouse from the home – or a defined area surrounding the home – and can impose criminal sanctions if the order is not obeyed.  Mr Hasan’s advice is misleading and deliberately aimed at frightening women in to adhering to the Sharia Council’s authority.  Hasan also repeats the Sharia position that a man has the right to hit his wife provided he leaves no marks. He asks if her husband beats her “severely”.  When she questioned what was meant by “severely”, Hasan asks “it leaves some bruises on your body?”. 

Mr Hasan goes on to advise the undercover reporter to question herself as to what she had done to provoke this violence.  He suggests she ask her husband “is it because of my cooking?”, “is it because I see my friends?”.

Source: http://www.onelawforall.org.uk/on-bbc-panorama-programme-on-sharia-courts-it-is-enough-now/

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It disgusts me to hear men attempting to pin blame on a woman for incurring the wrath of her husband. Her cooking? Seeing her friends? Seriously? And also, what does it matter whether she is being beaten severely or not. Even a light slap is a symbolic gesture of dominance if only one partner is given the right to do it. Sometimes, having your dignity and rights stripped away from you is more painful to bear than a bruise.

A person who needs to impose their authority through force, strength and violence exposes their lack of ability to reason and articulate their way towards a solution. Physical strength is not a criteria for superiority, because if that were true, men would submit to lions, bears, elephants and a myriad of other animals that out-do their strength many times over. Those who make up excuses which allow domestic violence to continue unbridled are cowardly, lowly individuals and deserve nothing but condemnation. If you don't like your spouse, don't live with them!

That's what divorce is for.