Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Rant of the Day: HBS


I watched this video a while back and immediately regretted doing so. The HijabiBengaliSisters page kept popping up on my Facebook so I wanted to check out their videos, and I wanted to respond to it since the girl has brought up a sensitive issue and has gone about justifying it in a retarded way.

She starts off by saying how in Islam, women and men have different roles and both should be seen equally. She says women should not try to emulate men in the name of feminism etc etc, upto which I can moderately tolerate. Then she goes onto say that in Islam men have to provide for their wives and give them everything they wish for, and so women should not complain of 'marital rape' because they should reward their husbands for all that they do. At this point I just wanted to punch her in the face.

She just said that the duties of men and women are different but equally valuable, then she said a woman should never refuse sex because her husband does 'so much' for her. By doing that she has completely contradicted her own statement by downgrading the value of 'women's work' (cleaning, cooking, looking after children etc) in comparison to men's work. If a woman's work deserves equal treatment, then her unwillingness to engage in sex should be respected as much as a man's willingness to do so. She then says a woman should 'serve' and 'obey' her husband because she'll receive much more in return. So essentially a woman should exchange her servitude and obedience for love, home, money and gifts. How are the roles equal then? Sounds more like a master-slave dynamic to me.

This girl needs to learn that marital rape is not a joke. Rape, marital or not, is less about sexual desire than it is about “an abuse of power by which one person attempts to establish dominance and control over the other”. If this girl had done some basic research, she would see that marital rape is often accompanied by domestic violence and abuse, and because it occurs repeatedly over a long time the accumulated trauma may have greater impacts on a woman's psychology than being raped by a stranger. Allowing a man to have his way with you is not about giving him a 'break', it's about handing over your autonomy to the man. It's not about rewarding him, it's about making him feel more powerful. I feel no shame in repeating once more, that this girl's views are imbecilic of tremendous proportions. She should familiarise herself with legal definitions before posting a blanket statement about marital rape on YouTube.

She further contradicts her "women and men are different but equal" statement by saying men are stronger than women, (2 women equal to one man, apparently) and are therefore naturally a "grade higher" than women, because they can protect them. This is an absurd presumption, as strength has the power to both protect AND destroy. And if she has interpreted the 2 women = 1 men quote from the Quran in this way, then she hasn't read the verse properly, because it has nothing to do with strength, but everything to do with a woman's ability to testify in court.

I'm extremely saddened that young ladies brought up in developed, 21st century environments can openly hold regressive views like this and still attract admirers. I also had the pleasure of watching another video by her about how "women who don't cover up" have nothing to offer as they are submitting to the wishes of menfolk. 

HA! Oh the irony. 


Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Sex

While I am at work each day I often browse through the online news in the mornings and during the breaks. As I am unable to share news articles on Facebook (because it is blocked here), I email the articles to myself   with the intention of sharing it at a later time! But that never happens because the articles either become outdated by the time I remember to post them, or I hear someone comment on how annoying news-related Facebook posts can be, so I've decided to filter my deeper musings through to this page.

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I read the article "What the sex doctor orders" by Amrit Dhillon on SMH, Feb 28 2013. It is linked at the end of this page. The purpose of me referring to articles on this blog is not to paraphrase them here, or to repeat the same ideas. But to briefly share things which stir strong emotions inside me, whether it be anger happiness or  sadness.

The article is about a doctor named Mahinder Watsa who specialises in sex in India. He answers people's questions and concerns in the paper alongside seeing patients in person. Speaking about, writing about and depicting honest and natural sexual behaviour is sometimes a challenge in India, and can lead to major controversies especially when it comes to film. The article highlights a handful of common misconceptions about sex among young people in India, which I found to be quite frustrating but hardly shocking considering the number of people who are unable to access good education there.


''A man who had no sexual experience married a woman who happened to have received some basic sex education at her Catholic school,'' Watsa says. ''The first time they made love, neither had any idea what to do. So she made a suggestion. He was so horrified that she seemed to know about sex that he divorced her.''
This caught my attention because although I live in a developed country where there's little social pressure for anybody to be a virgin prior to marriage, I have still heard of this mentality showing through in our ethnic community. The idea of a girl knowing more or even as much as a man about sex is terrifying to them. This makes me angry, particularly because nowadays there is nothing you cannot Google to find out. And women are just as curious about sex as men are. And even if her knowledge came from practical experience, how she has chosen to use her body in the past does not define her morality. Or anyone's morality. So long as they did not hurt anybody in the process.


I have also heard of guys here becoming angry with their girlfriends because of the absence of blood during their first time. This frustrates me, as there is no way of telling if a man is a virgin or not, so it gives them no right to expect or want her body to show signs of virginity. 



''I had a 28-year-old woman from a rural background with no child. I told the husband to get a sperm count done,'' Watsa says. ''Before he could do it, she jumped into a well because the family kept blaming her. It's only when men remarry, after divorcing their wife for so called infertility, that they realise it's their problem because they can't conceive with the second wife either.''
Again, a similar kind of problem. I am surprised at how a family can blame the woman for everything, when they already know that it could be the man's problem (he was going to get a sperm count done - this validates my point that they were not uneducated about this). And many a times it is the mother-in-law and other female-in-laws who are most involved in the verbal taunting and blaming. They should know better. Everybody should know better. And that is why it is important for women to be independent and confident about their ability to live without a man, so that they don't jump into a well every time divorce is mentioned.

People say that ignorance is bliss. I believe ignorance is dangerous. Very very dangerous. I salute Dr Watsa for providing practical answers for the young generation, despite his age. He should be an inspiration to others in the same field as him.



Never too old: Sex counsellor Dr Mahinder Watsa.
Dr Mahinder Watsa


Full article: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/what-the-sex-doctor-orders-20130227-2f64a.html